“You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success – none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be there.” - Ram Dass
A Moment of Divine Love
A while ago, in the middle of a massage, I suddenly experienced a tremendous energy release that brought me to the verge of tears. There I was lying face down in a meditative state when I was overcome with what I could only describe as oneness with creation – waves of radiating love from the light of Universal Consciousness soothed and caressed every cell and particle of mine, and my soul was supported, loved and embraced unconditionally. The sheer beauty and magnificence of it was such that no adequate human language could describe, the closest term I could come up with would be divine love.
I have to admit I was not expecting that though I’ve known over the years to never question when and how divinity would show up. Or, to put it more accurately, every moment of life is divine and sacred as we are Divine Consciousness evolving and creating through our infinite imagination in this field of polarities. When we choose to tune into it, we become aware of its miracles fully.
At that moment, time stood still and I was the universe unfolding in an act of unconditional love.
At that moment, Consciousness was awakening to, and experiencing itself through me.
At that moment, I was Source and saw the beauty and perfection in all its expressions. Nothing was outside of the Light of the One.
I knew instantly without the slightest trying that we are all connected, and all I could see was a beautiful tapestry of an infinite number of lights representing each expression of Source. Each light danced its own unique dance of creativity and expansion, and emanated the vibration of unconditional love. The thought of some of us feeling less worthy because of our appearance, education and socio-economic status just simply could not exist in that vibration. In our absolutely truth and rawest form - the form of pure Consciousness, we are the energy of Divine Love.
Arguing With What Is
I spent most of my life struggling with the concept of loving myself. When I was a student, I was never a “cool” or popular kid and to cover my own discomfort, I hid behind a stack of books and lost myself in the world of fantasies. As an adult, I was quick to jump to self-criticism and perfected the art of self-punishment whenever I perceived myself to be less deserving. If I felt rejection from the world, I would in turn reject myself even more by looking for everything that was wrong with me. Nothing I did was good enough; I was not glamorous enough, confident enough, successful enough or talented enough according to an arbitrary set of standards I created. As a result, I simply could not allow myself to be me.
After much self-healing, I’d still get caught in the echoes of the past though the self-criticism had taken on a new role disguised as a concerned mentor. I’d say to myself, “I am a coach and teacher who works with others to assist them in their awakening. I need to be compassionate, loving and confident.” But there were moments and days when I was tired, angry and fearful, and I was not always ok with allowing myself to embrace them. I would either conduct a self-coaching session in my head or come up with ways to talk myself out of feeling a certain emotion so I could show up “perfect” in life for others. In my idea of not wanting to appear as a hypocrite to the identity I believed to be acceptable to myself and others, I committed the worst hypocrisy in not honoring who I was and how I felt.
My own lack of self-acceptance even manifested as my occasional attempts to force my loved ones to awaken which was of course met with hurt feelings. It boiled down to the belief that I suffered because I was not comfortable with where they were in life and I wanted them to be elsewhere. It sounds hilarious but when we think about the causes of our sufferings at this current moment, how many of us are depriving ourselves of the right to peace because we feel someone, or something “out there” is not where we believe they should be right now? How can we allow ourselves to be fully present with who we are when we are constantly handing the keys of our inner peace to others?
Deep down inside, many of us hold a mental construct of how empowered or perfect we could be if only we changed certain aspects of ourselves or others around us. It ranges from “if only I could drop a few more pounds” and “if only I made more money” to “if only they would understand me better.” And that idea of the “other me” always comes with a set of terms and conditions that makes the “current me” less lovable, less deserving, less joyous, less present and less worthy.
Allow You to Be You
One of my aha moments came one day when I noticed my significant other was criticizing and judging little behaviors of mine that never bothered him in the past. Eventually it occurred to me that he picked up on my energy of not allowing myself to be who I was, and like all mirrors in life, he began reflecting back to me my own self-judgment.
On that weekend when I was teaching my Reiki class, I was both sleep deprived from a few nights of poor sleep as well as experiencing the echoes of my lack of confidence despite the fact I was a teacher for a decade, and I was teaching topics I knew by heart. I made the intention to just allow myself to show up the way I was without stories and “should’s.”
During one of the Reiki meditations when I sank into a place of stillness, I was engulfed by the most gentle and loving energy that warmed up every cell and tissue. It dawned on me just because I was feeling tired and doubtful did not make anything less perfect than it was. And there was no reason to feel embarrassed, judge myself or fight it because none of it made me less worthy than when I am in any other state.
Once I accepted the invitation of just allowing, I began realizing how much I locked myself out of my own truth by not giving myself permission to be me. For my entire life, I chose to live by the belief that in order for me to be worthy of others’ love and acceptance, hence my own love and acceptance, I had to agree to be someone else who does not even exist and while I was busy molding myself into that fictional identity, I could not allow my own unique traits, gifts, talents and experiences to shine through. Not only I denied my authentic existence, but also I denied my own place in this universe where no two of us are alike.
Allowing is not passivity or non-action. It is about dropping the need of any pretense and condition. It is about surrendering to ourselves and saying yes to the entire package exactly as it is at the present moment. In doing so, we are removing resistance to life which causes anxiety or frustration, and fully opening ourselves up for organic growth and shifts knowing no matter who we decide to be and how we choose to experience life in the next moment, how we show up right now in this moment is just as valid, valuable and unique like how we show up in all other moments.
As I began expanding my consciousness in the meditation and merging myself with Source, I was seeing just how perfectly beautiful my students’ energy was. I also knew each of them struggled with seeing their own worth and withheld love and self-acceptance from themselves in certain areas of their lives, yet what was shown to me was eternal and infinite light filled with gratitude, innocence, peace, joy and love that went beyond time and space. Each one had her own stories, experiences and wisdom but no one's light was more or less perfect than the light around her.
In walking into that room and being their teacher for those two days, they taught me the most precious lesson of allowing. The rest of the weekend flowed miraculously because we all allowed. I allowed myself to be me, we allowed the class to flow the way it flowed, and they allowed themselves to be who they were. And all the loved ones whom I am energetically connected with began shifting in their own ways because I decided to embrace myself and others exactly where we are in life right here, right now.
Two days later in the middle of my massage, I was shown just how unconditionally supported we all are simply because we each are a unique manifestation of Consciousness and we each possess an infinite capacity to embody its perfection any way we choose. As we are becoming aware of ourselves as Divine Love and its sacred creation, we are remembering that there is nothing we need to do, earn or prove in order to be loved or be perfect simply because we are that love and perfection!
I ended the meditation with a favored quote by Marianne Williamson that every person I have encountered relates to on some level:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
If only you knew and acted from your highest truth every moment of every day, you would never believe any false thoughts or buy into the illusions of low self-worth again. Today, give yourself permission to be you and love you. Allow yourself to see the beauty and light in your perceived faults, mistakes, failures and imperfections. Allow yourself to feel those emotions that are deemed unacceptable by you. Allow yourself to treat yourself with gentleness, respect and kindness. Allow yourself to laugh at the idea of having to earn approval from others. Allow yourself to see how many lives your wonderful light has touched just from being you. Allow yourself to drop the “if’s” and “should’s,” and embrace wherever you are in life right now. Allow yourself to experience any aspect of Source that is awakening through you. Allow yourself to be whoever you currently are, the total package. And allow yourself to know that you are the complete package - a luminous spark, and a loving expression of Divine Consciousness.